Been a while

There is no point at which to start .... but there is an end, I just can't see it yet.

(sounds lame .... you haven't seen shit yet!)

When I was younger I wanted to be older

when I was younger I never thought I'd :

Spend all my money on medicine

Hurt myself on purpose

Not want to eat my supper

Hate my father

Hate myself

Hate the world

Smoke like grandma

Drink like grandpa

Lie like the bible

But most of all I never thought I'd want to be younger

Turn

There is a friend of mine who writes poetry

he recently wrote a poem

It was fucking good

it places its listener in an uncomfortable state of addiction

He holds in his person such talent

the people I surround myself have such talent

as much as I am in awe and admire this pool of genius ....

I am a selfish being

sometimes I wish I had a genuine thing to give back to the world

something to set it alight with

something other than this shallow pretense to entertain others with

I have done it again

slipped further into to wallowing.

gongrats hats

Hell fire

If you do top yourself - it will be shit I guess .... I think it's expected of me to cry but ... you are an evil man who caused so much pain to people you are programmed to love.

I know you're desperately unwell but... look around you so is everyone.

just keep self medicating and .... what happens will happen

Drama

I’m not meant for this city

I’m not meant for this town

I don’t want to be a cool kid

Drinking in the cat grounds.

Long time no waffle

This quiet diet builds a riot bigger than the funeral pyres

Burning boldly at the banquet laid for three

Twice they ran and thrice the man

Fell down, “slow down” but down he fell alas.

decision time

I am making plans that will change me life - for the good or the bad, only time will tell.

If any of my friends are reading this just to let you know:

• I am quitting smoking - do not offer me or encourage me back into smoking
• I am quitting any form of drug - this includes green
• If I am not at the cage for a while it is because I seriously need to sort myself out and I have no willpower.
• If I do not appear to be very sociable - I am not well and I need to recover, people tend to make me very stressed and I do not want you all to see me when I am this anxious + down.

I need time to sort things out

I apologise everybody.

I will not be with you for a while

I need to reorganise my life

I have stumbled into a place I do not wish to be

This is all for the best

Do not worry - I am going to be okay

No one likes weakness

I'M NOT GOING TO PRETEND I DON'T REALISE THE DAMAGE I HAVE DONE

I CAN HATE MY BODY

BUT I WOULD DIE IF YOU STOPPED LOVING IT.

"God gets me wet"

A clammy palm that beds itself closest to her silky pocket

Engulfed by seas of warmth and inescapable security.

To trace such a burning outline scolds the unfamiliar.

To douse such fury will break the madness but leave a wreckage too tainted for consumption.

Thoughts are dangerous occurrences

So many, too many monstrous tangents -

sloshing about in a cocoon of decay

Rotting the fibrous strands of doubt

Conditioning the brittle bones of ....

But to stray to far from the intended path

leads only to a revelation of the most disturbing kind

An awkward mess of embarrassed eyes

Lolling into their soulless sockets, repulsed by their own existence.

Garish is it not?

Outlandish may it seem?

But grotesquely honest in its perverse display of ignorance.

You were all thinking it

Attention is no new invention

But scrutiny's the new mutiny

Crying in public's the new lying in secret

And give me strength not slumber